Two Heads Are Better Than One
Because I have got a thing
That's unique and new
To prove it I'll have
The last laugh on you
'Cause instead of one head
I got two
And you know two heads are better than one
I have recently been hooked on Severance, the Apple series created by Dan Erickson, produced and partly directed by Ben Stiller, and starring Adam Scott, Britt Lower, Zach Cherry, John Turturro and Patricia Arquette.
The show follows employees in the “Macro Data Refinement” Department of fictional company Lumon Industries who have had chips implanted in their brains that split their consciousness and memories between their “innie” work self and “outie” out-of-work self.
We are not talking innie and outie belly buttons here. This is the real deal.
When the employee enters the office and goes into a creepy elevator, the outie wonks out as the innie becomes conscious and clocks in and, at the end of the day, back in the elevator and it is the innie’s turn to disappear as the outie wakes up and goes home. Neither self has any memory of the other.
Erickson came up with the idea for the show while working some mind numbing jobs and the series satirizes a lot about dreary corporate life.
You want to talk mind numbing Dan? Try practicing commercial real estate law for nearly 40 years!
Severance follows the innies of the MDR department as they try to find out about both their outie lives and what kind of evil doings are going on at Lumon.
The show presents Lumon as a cult-like demon company and the Lumon employees as developing quite a bit of ambivalence about the whole severance procedure.
But Lumon may be getting a bad rap and sure, the procedure does require that a chip be implanted in your brain, but seriously, what could possibly go wrong?
Clearly, Lumon’s Board has a refined and sophisticated sense of humor as the company has agreed to become one of the sponsors of this newsletter.
Okay, okay, the only sponsor of this newsletter but, in a stroke of marketing genius, Lumon has also graciously agreed to provide a limited time offer of severance services at no charge to our subscribers.
To be clear, these services are not provided on an exclusive basis and I suspect that Lumon is allowing others this same opportunity.
For example, I have it on good authority that Senator Mitch McConnell uses his innie to deal with his day-to-day obligations on Capitol Hill so he can focus on trying to remember what year it is. Unfortunately, there may be something wrong with the elevator he is using as Senator McConnell seems to have transitioned a few times from innie to outie in mid-sentence and may need a bit of a tune up.
I also realize that it may not always be advantageous to be an innie so, to address any potential misunderstanding up front, when we say innie we are not talking about the situation in which Adrián Simancas recently found himself. Mr. Simancas was kayaking with his father in the Red, White and Blue Strait (formerly known as the Strait of Magellan) when a humpback whale swallowed him and then let him go.
No, no, safety first here at Making Good Time - - that is not the kind of “innie” experience we are offering. We mean an actual Severance type of severance.
Think of the possibilities.
You want to fulfill that New Year resolution and get in better shape? Have your innie jump on the treadmill or get yelled at by a buff Peloton bicycle trainer instead of you. Your svelte outie self will have all the health benefits without any of the pain and sweat.
Painful visit coming up with your spouse’s relatives? Let your innie go for the ride while you rake in the family obligation credits. When it is all over, your outie can pop back into reality fully rested.
Work a bit of a bore? Follow the classic Severance formula and let your innie write that brief or land that client. You can collect the checks and get ready for the weekend.
Recent news cycle stressing you out? Try our special news severance package. You can avoid all news, tweets and pronouncements during the day by having your innie absorb the blows and do the head shaking and sighing in disbelief for you. You simply check back in at the end of the day, give a quick obligatory sigh and shake of the head, and then enjoy the rest of your evening.
One of our devoted readers, Governor Trudeau from one of the larger northern states, has written in to thank us and say that he has already found this news severance quite helpful to keep his blood pressure down, although he has pointed out that he needs his innie in news severance mode close to 24 hours most days.
Full disclosure. The severance services that we are providing come with some minor risks.
In the Severance series, the innies of the MDR Department are a bit rebellious.
Sort of like having children. You birth them, raise them, feed them, and then they think they can just go ahead and have minds of their own.
Can you blame them? I mean the Severance innies, not your kids.
The Severance innies are not content to be locked away from their outie selves and treated as somehow less than human and you too may find yourself faced with an innie rebellion.
For example, Nico Harrison, general manager of the Dallas Mavericks and one of our loyal readers, may have had a similar experience when his innie went rogue, took the reins and spitefully traded basketball superstar Luka Dončić for not much in return when outie Nico was not paying attention.
Outie Nico tried to explain this rebellion away based on Luka whining a lot and being out of shape. Haha, but there really is no other plausible explanation other than a rogue innie. Every player in the NBA whines and I would take Luka on my NY Knicks even if he wants to train on Big Macs and smoke a cigarette while taking free throws. Nice try Nico.
Well, I suppose that sometimes you just need to trust your inner innie.
Let me finish by pointing out, regretfully but with brutal honesty, that this newsletter really goes nowhere (yawn) when my outie is doing the writing. Happily for all of you dear readers, I have taken over and now all that time doing the drafting and editing for that lazy outie loser has paid off.
Rogue innie? You’re welcome.